There are several questions which get asked when you get engaged. When? Where? Who? (Obviously the groom is a given, but there are many other people to get involved.)

Without wanting to do a disservice to the people I have asked to be bridesmaids (because I love them all and am massively excited to have them by my side), the difficulty I had in making this decision has led me to a few observations about friendship and weddings and the like.

1. Choosing bridesmaids makes you the most self-absorbed and selfless person AT THE SAME TIME. I’ve spent hours locked in the ‘mean something to them vs. mean something to me’ debate.

I didn’t want to exclude anyone (because obviously they would be heartbroken not to be involved in my wedding) but I didn’t want to include anyone out of a feeling of duty (because it’s my wedding dammit, and I will do what I want!).

2. Choosing bridesmaids makes you convinced that the only possible way to show your friends they are important to you is to have them dressed up in your colour scheme. Never mind inviting them to the actual event, if they aren’t your bridesmaid then they obviously mean NOTHING to you. (Yes, this has actually crossed my mind, see Point 1.)

How on earth I defined my friendships before having a spectacle to get them involved in I’ve no idea. And then every time I had a particularly meaningful conversation I couldn’t even entertain the thought that that friend wouldn’t be involved.  My decision to let a certain group of friends know I was engaged personally before facebook opened the floodgates to the world forgotten, I struggled with the concept of ‘choosing’ someone over somebody else.

I realise this does all  make me sound a little bit self-obsessed and generally crazy, but the thing is, planning a wedding makes you go MENTAL. And it’s not all come from me. The constant stream of questions convinces you that everyone cares just as much as you do; because you’re hearing it from every direction it does seem like everyone else is a bit blinded by excitement, but then you remember they are only having one conversation with me, as opposed to my million conversations with everyone.

All this has made me very thankful for having so many wonderful friends that I have had this ‘dilemma’ in the first place. I have realised that as we get older, the ways we show our friends they are important to us change. No longer are we exchanging notes and bulldog hair clips, it’s the keeping in touch, the being there if and when we’re needed, the once in a blue moon catch ups where we talk about anything and everything and aren’t embarrassed to say what we think and drink too much wine, the thinking of each other at important moments. Regardless of any decisions I make, I already know the group of ladies I’ll be dancing with at my wedding (and hopefully theirs!).

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